...on Wookies and Friendship

Oddball friends. You know the type. Friends who are friends due to intrinsic factors, not extrinsic ones. You know who I'm talking about. They could be Imperial slave traders on Kashyyyk, and you'd still have a blast hanging out with them and doing stuff together. Your friendship isn't tied to a common hobby, a common occupation, or even common interests, and yet there's a bond that seems to transcend all of that.

Maybe you've only thought of friendship in terms of commonalities. That's perfectly fine. Many great friendships are built on that principle. And yet, there are those oddball people you know, who, against all odds or reasoning, you genuinely like. Just because.

Now I'm not saying that you should buddy-up with slave traders or find a Wookie to hug. No, just like in marriage, you don't proactively seek people who are in every way opposite from you. Regardless, they'll show up, invited or no, and you need to do... something... when they arrive (staring blankly at the wall and reciting digits of Pi isn't going to cut it.

Now, it's true that we naturally gravitate to people with common interests. Geeks like geeks, nerds like nerds, rednecks like rednecks, and so on. Why? Well, they're the people we typically feel safe around, who we think will respect our eccentricities and with whom we can get the biggest bang for the buck from our social time. But, what are you supposed to do when Sam the zookeeper from down the street stops by your weekly LAN party at Joe's house? Worse yet, what if he's an entertaining chap who can spin elephant dung into a humorous yarn?

Why, one approach could be to hand him a copy of National Geographic before hunkering down behind your twin plasmas to wrap up that game of Starcraft. But why? I mean, sure it's strange (heaven knows zookeepers need a strange sense of humor). And sure, you're probably a bit put off and confused. But by golly, the safe option--the easy out--seems more like an avoidance of risk. And risk, my friends, is one of the most underrated parts of friendship.

Risk. That four letter word gives us a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomachs. Risk can yield ridicule and very small gain for our efforts. Nevertheless, that effort, I believe, is what creates the potential for some great friendships. Say you're a geek. You can talk math, science, and literature all day long with likeminded people, with little to no risk that they're going to think you strange. Ah, but go outside that circle and try befriending someone you wouldn't normally have much in common with. I think you'll find that wonderful things can happen.

I'm sorry to keep going back to marriage, but it's a good example. Take a guy, who may be interested in monster truck racing, football, and bungee jumping--and a girl, who may be interested in gardening, knitting, and literature (or swap the two--I've met male knitting aficionados, but I'm not naming names). Normally, you'd expect fireworks, demolition, utter failure. And yet sometimes--in spite of all odds, they find that the effort they pour into making the friendship work, causes them to become less self-centered around their own personal likes and dislikes, and show that friendship can be more. Of these, a portion decide to get married, and often--these marriages last for life. The old adage, "opposites attract", is often true, and yet it shouldn't be. At least, not in the way we typically view friendship.

So, next time Sam tells that raucous tale about the time 10 bull elephants ran rampant around the zoo, dropping potent smelling parcels everywhere, give him a chance. It could turn into something special. (the friendship--I'd count the story as a lost cause).

Until next time,

- Daniel