The Benefits of Getting Older

I have brothers. Four of them. They're getting stronger than me, faster than me, and taller than me. I'm desperately trying to stay ahead in the wit department, but it's not easy.

Regardless. I have one key advantage. I'm the oldest.

This may not seem like an advantage, but it is. With age comes wisdom. With age comes monetary resources. With age comes the opportunity to break new ground in the prank/retaliation department. (Face it, just like with the first horror movies, there aren't any cliches to avoid. It's a virgin, untouched domain, and I'm the first to get to it.)

I'll admit some of my early attempts were amateurish and prone to backfiring. The pillow trap over the door, the raisins filled with Cayenne pepper, the 3AM radio alarm set to Mexican polka music, yes, amateur to a tee. I suffered almost as much as the prankee.

That rhymed.

...

Hey, but this time, I'm prepared.

See, two of my brothers have birthdays in November. Nathan and Marcus. The 1st and the 10th. Like two unsuspecting binary numbers.

The problem with my past pranks is that there wasn't any motivation behind them. Your brother hands you raisins. Ummm... suspicious much? He asks you to come upstairs. Creeeepy. The indicator light on your alarm is on, when you know it's never supposed to go off on Sunday morning. Yeah, you get the picture...

Now, try these on for size:

• "Happy Birthday Nathan! Let me cut you a slice of this raisin applesauce cake..."
  
  
• "Hey, Marcus, could you come upstairs for a minute? I'm gonna need some help getting your birthday present downstairs..."
  
  
• "Nathan, make sure you turn your alarm on: birthday breakfast at IHOP tomorrow..."

Not bad, eh?

Oh, they have no idea (and fortunately, they don't read this blog), but they're in for some very memorable moments.

Now you see why I've been training for an ultramarathon. I'm counting on the fact that I can run farther than they can. If so, you'll either have a prank report or I'll be incognito for 61 years (assuming those life expectancy tables are correct).

Until next time (maybe),

- Daniel