...and above all, what do these topics have to do with protein powder? Actually nothing. It's just that I'll be adding pictures to all of my blog posts from now on, and I had a can of protein powder handy. ;-)
But in case you're wondering, the rest of this is going to end up being a serious post. And now, having scared off 90% of my readership, let's continue...
I despise generalizations. People enjoy being unique, and don't like being put into boxes. When I say something like, "homeschoolers believe that courtship is the only appropriate environment for guy/girl relationships", I'm bound to step on toes and offend people. Even so, generalizations make for easy and concise commentary. Also, I'm lazy, so I'm just going to apologize in advance and charge through the china shop.
Many of you have probably read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, by Joshua Harris. In these books, he presents the view that secular dating fosters a "casual relationship" philosophy, to the detriment of "marriage for life". As a result, he advocates courtship instead. The primary differences between courtship and secular dating are the seriousness of the commitment and the involvement of third parties. A corollary to the seriousness of the commitment is the supposition that God has a special person in mind for each girl and each guy (those who will not remain single, that is). If you want a more complete understanding of the differences, feel free to pick up the books and read for yourself. Suffice it to say that courtship discourages casual interaction between guys and girls. This is often problematic for reasons I'll mention later on.
Okay, here come the generalizations (*cringe*). For the remainder of this post, I'll be assuming that:
- (Most) Homeschoolers subscribe to a courtship mentality (hence dating is off the table).
- (Most) Homeschoolers are conservative Christians
With these two criteria in place, let me explain a little about how I've been raised. Growing up, I've been taught that our allegiance belongs to God above all else. Everything we do should be for His glory. Marriage, while often in His plan for our lives, should not be our foremost concern. When God is ready for us to marry, He will make His choice for us clear. This is why dating isn't an option. It isn't our job isn't to find our helpmate, it's God's job. When he shows us who we are to marry, courtship will be the means of fostering the relationship, not casual dating.
I am one of those who subscribe to the above train of thought. It's simple, straight-forward, and God centered. Of course, as many of you may know, the forest is often easier to see than the trees. When it comes to walking through life from day to day, things can easily get muddled.
As explained above, it isn't our job to look for our future helpmate. The trouble is, men are naturally attracted to women, and vice-versa. I'm talking about infatuation here, not true love. When you're a Christian single, you can be especially attracted to godly members of the opposite sex. Here's where the rubber meets the road. If we internalize the fact that we aren't supposed to let these natural attractions rule the day, we've got to (through God's help), keep those inner feelings under control. Unfortunately, this suppression often manifests itself in "standoffishness" and "tightness" between godly young men and women at church and social functions.
Clearly, "standoffishness" and "tightness" aren't how brothers and sisters in Christ should be treating each other. And yet, this treatment is usually out of a genuine desire to protect and guard each others' hearts, a decidedly worthwhile goal. The thing is, if we've closed off our minds and hearts to each other, how can God break through when it's truly time to pursue a lifelong relationship?
This is where my experience ends, and where this post ends as well. I've failed to discover where we proceed past this point of seeming cold and unfeeling toward one another. Perhaps it's just me. Perhaps the vast majority of you don't notice any of this, and I need to do some serious praying and soul searching. Whatever the case, this is where I believe many single Christians are at, and I hope this post puts to words what many of you have been feeling.
I leave the floor open for your thoughts and comments.
Sure, living a life godly in Christ Jesus is our foremost concern - make sure you remember that often this means getting married to a godly spouse, raising godly children to make a godly impact on the next generation. So the two go hand in hand, and you can be genuinely seeking marriage without breaking the first commandment. Like growing a garden is not inherently spiritual, but it is part of this life, and can be done in a God-honoring way or a dishonoring way. In His timing and by His guidance, you need to take the initiative as the guy to seek out that godly woman. God doesn't always drop her in your lap, though that would be nice.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to help you out with your last paragraph, but we have had the same upbringing, bro. Hate to say it, but part of our issue is basic personality - some people are so warm and bubbly you'd think they were hot springs. Others form few friendships that take time, but are lasting and deep. That's my prayer.
The basic issue is 'seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you'. This plays out differently for all of us, but basically means we do not need to fear to simply be genuine with people and sensitive to God.