Hindsight

I promise not to gripe.

...or scowl.

...or throw things around the room.

But I just read the most amazing synonymistic description (yes, I realize that's not a word) of hindsight ever on Wikipedia. It's dubbed the "knew-it-all-along effect".

Things are generally clear and cuddly in hindsight. That's why we sugarcoat things like political history ("when I was a boy"), our mental capabilities ("I knew it takes an hour to drive 60 miles at 60 miles-per-hour. You just didn't give me enough hours to crunch the figures."), and our level of maturity ("Licking ice-coated metal? Who knew, right?").

And, as far as I'm concerned, you are welcome to inflate (or deflate... who am I to judge?) your perception of the past as much as you like.

But... please.

(I'm on hands and knees here.)

Don't play Prophetic History with other people's pasts.

Because, honestly, when Joe Shmo retrospectively prophesies your concrete faceplant, there's only one appropriate response.

WELL GENIUS, WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?

(Sorry about the yelling)

And face it. If you're one of those people blessed with clairvoyance, see impending doom, and do nothing to stop it, you're liable for damages.

You've been warned.

I was once accused of possessing mental telepathy. It was at a Bible quiz meet back in highschool. I was on the stage with my teammates... both girls... who I was desperately trying to impress. We had our hands on a buzzer. Press to buzz and answer the question.

I won't lie. I'm slow as molasses. So, in lieu of signaling the normal way, I pushed the button a full two seconds before the announcer started reciting the question.

BUZZ

He paused for five very dramatic seconds, then called my bluff...

"Unless Team 5 has the gift of ESP (we were being quizzed on the fruits of the Spirit), I'm going to repeat the question."

He had me.

In hindsight, maybe I should have stalled by quoting pi until my heavenly pingback returned.

...or not.

Keep smiling,
- Daniel

My Name is Randomness

Randomness is beautiful.

Truly it is.

We don't associate chaos and convolution with happiness, let alone the hallmark of a beautiful mind, but let me tell you, it is.

Randomness has the effect of a brain massage. Soothing, vibrating waves of wooziness, overloading your troubles and sending your cares packing to the next country over.

If you don't know what you're going to do next, you have met the definition of insanity. And... as we all know... the mentally insane are among the happiest members of our society.

...and don't get started with that "correlation does not imply causation" business. It's no use.

:shakes head:

:harder:

:harder:

:clinking sounds:

...I didn't need those marbles anyway... Where were we?

Ah yes. Randomness. It results in so many good things...

1. Blank stares from the person you cornered with the question about ear wax.
   
   
2. Nervous chuckles from the barista when you asked for that cup of coffee with the shot of Red Bull.
   
   
3. Shifting feet on floor 42 of the Bancorp Tower when you ask for directions to the Oregon Zoo.

Ah, good times.

There are two things we can count on in life. Two things to drown our sorrows and make our lives positively hum with the electrifying power of cayenne powder.

The first is randomness.

The second...

...is chocolate.

Indulge responsibly,
- Daniel

What Pain Really Is

Pain is when a close friend dies. Pain is when the woman you love tells you that you're not the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

That is pain.

And when there's no way to vent the emotion caused by that pain, nobody to get bitter at, no-one to blame, it drives you mad.

It causes you to ask why.

In all the books, pain is released in some way. It's released by asking God why. It's released by isolating oneself from one's friends. It's released in streams of bitterness towards the one who caused you pain.

But I can't do any of these things.

I have faith in God's will, so there's nothing to question. I'm surrounded by people who love me, so I can't use isolation as a means of escape. I respect and understand her decision, so bitterness isn't something I can harbor.

I'm lost--trapped--sinking under a sea of doubt and soul searching. And yet, there are so many others who have suffered more. Corrie ten Boom, the Apostle Paul, Job. I don't even feel I have the right to feel as I do.

Do I mourn? Move on? Do I pick up the pieces of my life as they were before? Pretend the last three months never happened?

And then I read what I've just written, and realize it's all about me. I'm being selfish. And then I look back over the last three months, and realize it's always been about me.

It's hard when she says "no", and the reason she says "no" is because she's less selfish than you.

That hurts.

Everything I thought I knew about myself, every detail, needs scrutiny. All last night I tossed and turned in visceral pain. I arose at 3 am with a single question.

Who am I?



I don't really know anymore.



- Daniel

"Who am I, Gamling?"

Perfect Matches

Cute couples. They're everywhere. And boy, do people like to talk about them. Unfortunately, there's a certain phrase that really bugs me. It goes like this:

"Aren't they the perfect couple!"

(Better hold on to your Mexican jumping beans)

Perfect implies completeness and wholeness. Without faults. In my mind, it's like two granite blocks fitting together without mortar. Like the ancient pyramids. Yes, the Egyptians were Perfection Personified (rogue frogs and bearded, staff-wielding dudes aside).

This is what flows through my mind when well-meaning people start jawing about the perfect couple:

Sappy, right? Wouldn't I like to get a load of their reality field. Perfect, smooth granite blocks indeed. (Brown granite at that. Think on that one for awhile.)

No, dear friends, most "perfect" couples are more like this:

You've heard it said that friendships are hard work. But they don't hold a candle to romantic relationships. Put aside that 100 grit sandpaper. That's not the tool you're looking for.

Try dynamite.

...or prayer. Tons and tons of TNT-loaded prayer.

I think I've been hardwired to think that once you find the person of your dreams, the rest is ooshy gooshy happiness and canned unicorn meat. You know the hardship is out there... somewhere... but it's like a mirage in the desert. It never seems to get any closer.

Then you hit day #2, and realize the unicorn meat is closer to cat food. And believe me, it takes one heck of a good gourmet chef to make it work. It can. Think sushi or wasabi; it's not a natural "love at first sight" experience (and maybe never).

Couples of unusual perfectness? I don't believe they exist.

Until next time,
- Daniel

Yes, I Found Her

I am courting.

No, that was not a typo.

(Besides, 'I am mourning' doesn't make any sense. What do you think I am? Emo?)

Just do it. Face the music and interpret that sentence at face value.

Improbable as the sentence 'I [Daniel] am courting' may be, it is true. I have found someone who I like very much and can't get off my mind.

Not to wax long, because such waxing tends to bore those not involved, but it was important I write this for two reasons:

First, a public announcement of courtship indicates the seriousness of the commitment. (i.e. I am trying to determine whether this woman is right for me, and she whether I am right for her.)

Second, it staves off embarrassing situations by making known who is interested in whom. This is mainly important for the lady involved, though it is not unheard of for the man to be on the receiving end of a proposal. (Yes, I know this first-hand. No, I am not going to elaborate on the subject.)

Now, as tempting as it may be to start quoting Timon and Pumbaa, fear not. I am not doomed. In fact, it could be that this courtship will be a very positive thing.

No, seriously. Despite my protests to the contrary, courtship can be a very good way to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Yes, I know I've made Josh Harris wisecracks in the past. I promise to find a way to make peace with the man.

In the meantime, stay tuned...

Oh, you want her name? Julia Horton.

Until next time,
- Daniel