Clumsiness

Some say that athleticism and coordination go hand in hand. I disagree.

It's anecdotal, of course, but a couple months ago, I went for a 12 mile run on the Eagle Creek Trail near Bonneville Dam. About 8 miles in, I slipped and split my right knee open on a rock. No permanent damage, but the image of a wild-eyed, wild-haired man streaking down a trail with blood streaming down his leg must have mentally scarred numerous hikers that day.

Today, to celebrate Labor Day, I went for a 12 mile hike at Silver Star Mountain near Washougal, WA. And--not to be outdone--I slipped and bloodied my left knee after the first quarter mile.

Gifted. Definitely gifted.

But hey, at least I've got matching scars. Booyah.

Athleticism can be trained. Clumsiness is hereditary and/or age-dependent. Which means you may learn to run like a gazelle, climb like a monkey, or throw like a gorilla. But, if you're the type to give your fingertips a thrill whenever you wield a kitchen knife, there's not much hope.

So, some people fall more than others. That's a given. From here on out, it's all about style, as Buzz Lightyear so astutely noted.

A few pro tips when you find yourself in mid-stumble:

1. Tuck your head in and do a roll.
   Not only does it look awesome, it looks totally intentional--albeit impromptu.
   
2. Use it as a plot device when you're mid-conversation.
   
   "Hey, have you ever tried peach ice..."
   
   :slips:
   
   :segues into barrel roll, taking out a few thistles in the process:
   
   :gets up:
   
   "...cream? It makes me want to do acrobatics just thinking about it."
   
3. Pretend like you've been shot.
   
   Best. Practical. Joke. Ever.

From one klutz to another. Best of luck. Not that it was ever on our side, but optimism is all we've got. Now go forth and do some awesome spontaneous stunts.

Until next time,
- Daniel