Fish capable of phishing

So you think you know about fish? Perhaps.

Do you think they're scaly and slimy with a touch of amnesia? Sorry, that's Dory. You've been indoctrinated by Pixar. Happens to the best of us.

Do you think they are conniving little creatures with dreams of world domination? Well yes. That's because they are.

In fact, I know my fish are intent on world domination. Their little beady eyes scream intelligence. They are watching my every move, tracking my footsteps, keeping both eyes on my checkbook and credit card.

And I know, one day, I'll leave the house, and they'll leave the tank. My password is strong, but it's hard to outsmart a fish. Once again, the gates of Babylon will fall to a river-bound enemy.

How did this start? A month ago, I woke up, and had the most brilliant idea in months.

"Audrey?" I said. "We need fish!"

She had nothing to say to this, and so we trounced out the door and bought an aquarium, several live plants, and seven Zebra Danios. The nice pet store man was wary. He tried to warn us...

"Anyone who says fish are stupid hasn't met a Zebra Danio" [paraphrase]

It took him--quite literally--fifteen minutes to catch them. They did not want to leave their friends. We ended up with five short-tail and two long-tail beauties. In matching plastic bags.

Apparently, these fish are used in research because of their unique regenerative capabilities. A unique strain of fish, called GloFish, have been developed by inserting the glow-in-the-dark gene from jellyfish. Needless to say, they look like a science experiment gone terribly wrong.

Our fish do not glow. However, they come from the same stock. As I watch them whirl and swirl amidst the pebbles in our tank, I see a raw intelligence. It's as though they come from a School. A School governed by our would-be ichthusian overlords.

I don't mean to sound paranoid. After all, this was my idea. I'm a 150 pound human being, with a cerebellum at least 1,000 times larger than theirs. There's no way I can lose... unless they figure out how to breed mutants.

Remember that old proverb, "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer"? I might need a waterbed to keep the little geniuses close while I slumber.

Just keep swimming,
- Daniel