The Hurt and the Lonely

People cause pain. Much of the pain in your life is caused by people: yourself or others.

A logician might come to a hasty conclusion. If people cause me pain, and pain is bad, then I should not associate with people (as though people were like hot stoves or mountain avalanches).

But what is worse? To be lonely or to be hurt?

The lonely man loses much, because he has disassociated from the ebb and flow of his fellow man. He has lost the opportunity to love others, and be loved by others.

The hurt man loses little, because for every person who stabs, there are two others who heal. He is an interesting man, full of experience and memories, able to instruct and inspire. The hurt man still capable of love has lost little indeed.

And yet the hurt man often turns into the lonely man. This is because--once hurt--his reaction is to withdraw from others. To hide in his castle and mend his wounds. Assuming this can be done. Sometimes, the wounds run so deep, they turn into scars. At this point, the hurt man must make a decision. Will he let others love him in spite of the scars, or will he sequester himself in his castle, like Beast before the Beauty?

I don't think there's a clear transition between the hurt man and the lonely man. However, one day, the lonely man wakes up, and sees himself as alone. He sees the friendships he has discarded or ignored. He sees the friendships he rejected. He sees that his acquaintances are few and his friends are fewer. He realizes that he is at a crossroads.

Will he take the road less traveled by? Will he learn to love in spite of his scars? Will he do the hard thing? The right thing?

He feels unlovable. He feels unworthy. He feels grateful for his friends and lover, but not strong enough to seek out more friends. He knows he should, but thinks he can't. He prays, he pleads, he digs deeper into the hole he has dug. He feels destined for a life on the fringes.

But there is hope. He may be entirely correct, that he--in and of himself--cannot love. However, those who are loved can learn to love by example. Even the man without friends has a loving Creator. Most of us have other friends as well. They can teach us to love.

Do you dare try?

Until next time,
- Daniel