Why I'm Leaving Facebook

I'll just say it right now. No, I'm not turning into a recluse (I was already one before joining Facebook back in 2008, so this is nothing new). No, I'm not going to fortify myself in High-and-Mighty fortress, replete with anti-time destractor weaponry and a moat to devour unwanted friend requests.

In fact, a better title might be "Why I'm Considering Leaving Facebook", but as you all know, false advertising is the best way to get noticed in the blogosphere, so be it. (Besides. I might actually be serious. Who knows?)

Reason #1:

The first reason is social connectedness. No... wait... nevermind. I've got three e-mail addresses, a blog, an HSA account, LinkedIn account, YouTube account, etc. ad. infinitum. Clearly I'm connected outside of Facebook. Let me reiterate that one...

...the problem is an overabundance of social connectivity. My ability to focus is shot. I'm as finicky as a gerbil, as tense as a male black widow being stalked by the big kahuna of lady black widows. When I get up in the morning, I check Facebook. Before I brush my teeth at night, I check Facebook (which I sometimes do in lieu of brushing my teeth. Frightened now?).

This goes on during the day too. I'll be sitting on the couch, doing my homework, when ping! I spot "Facebook (1)" in the open Facebook tab in my browser... or "Gmail - Inbox (1)" if the Facebook tab is closed. The moment is ruined, my schoolwork is set aside, and I find myself viewing the latest social news in slack-jawed ecstacy.

I've tried to set the distraction aside for a period of time. Say, one month so I could write a novel or three months so I could finish a semester of school. To borrow a phrase from Solomon: "Absolutely pointless!" says the spokesman. "Everything is pointless!"*

It's not that you can't be a student and a Facebook afficiado at the same time. For me, however, this arrangement doesn't work. This is reason #1.

Reason #2:

The next problem is communication in an online context. It's all monotone. When reading this sentence, you have no idea if I'm in a jovial mood, upset mood, or downright crazy mood. About the only vocal characteristic that can be experienced online is SCREAMING! (n.b. If you're a woman, you may be able to read between the lines, so I apologize in advance for my extreme simplication of the problem.)

As a man, I instinctively compensate for the lack of tone by using emoticons. You know. :-) for happy, :-D for really happy, and }:-D for fiendishly happy. This has been a slow and gradual progression. I recently perused my recent postings and found that approximately 95% of them were accompanied by ;-) (code for kidding, humor, and/or light sarcasm).

Now, whenever I post something without an accompanying smiley face, I feel it comes across as dead-pan robot seriousness. This is no good. I MUST REVOLT! I must prove that plain text CAN BE HAPPY TEXT!!! }:-D.

...but seriously...

This is all rubbish of course. Emoticons are fine. Bolded and italicized text is fine. Even screaming caps are... :wince:... fine in moderation.
The problem is that, for me, Facebook doesn't lend itself to the kind of communication I want to have with my friends. Long conversations about important topics don't usually happen, and when they do, the monotonic nature of text can render passionate discourse as something else entirely (hate, acid-spewing rhetoric, dark works of foreboding from the abyss, etc...). As a creature of sarcasm, this is a problem for me.

Reason #3:

The last problem I'm going to address is self-affirmation. Self-affirmation is where I post a status update such as: "I did terrible on my midterm today!", and (preferably many) other people comment on my status with posts such "Awwww... :-(" and "You'll do better next time!". (a few nefarious individuals might dare to 'like' such a status, but these people are of the same ilk as "Gru" of "Despicable Me", and are therefore irrelevant to this conversation).

What's the problem with self-affirmation? Nothing! It's just like social connectedness, which is also harmless... in moderation. However, when you become offended that only two out of 216 friends liked your status, or jealous that a comment on your status was liked more times than the status itself, this is a problem.

A friend once confessed that he used to do nice things for people with the sole purpose of getting self-affirmation for these deeds on Facebook. I'm getting there, and it frightens me. In fact, I'm getting to the point where I feel a bit depressed if I open Facebook after a 24-hour period and there aren't any updates in my notification box. It's like nobody cares about me. :wimpers:

So yes, the self-affirmation has to go away for a little while. I've always felt that a good 'ol case of plantar fasciitis or lliotibial band syndrome was painful, but supermodel syndrome is worse. Definitely didn't have that when I was living in a bat cave pre-Facebook.

Conclusion:

So, these are three reasons why I'm considering leaving Facebook. There are others. I might do a follow-up post or three if there's interest. This is actually fun. Hey, I've been on Facebook for almost three years, what's another few weeks?

By the way, if I do decide to go off the social grid permanently, you can still stay in touch. I'm serious. If I've friended you on Facebook, you have earned the right to ask for my e-mail. Even if you're not tagged in this note, you have the right. Even if you haven't known me for very long, or met me in person, you have the right. Even if you're... :gasp:... a girl, you have the right, and I won't even look at you strange.

I check my e-mail seriously, treat it seriously, and reply to it seriously. The phone... is another matter... I'm scared of that thing. Use e-mail. If the monotone starts getting you down, you have two options: 1) talk with me live and in person. 2) ask me to throw in some emoticons, which come complimentary with the above e-mail offer. I don't do screaming caps though, so don't ask.

Ciao.

NOTES:
*GOD'S WORD Translation (1995)

Concrete is Evil

As a runner, I notice certain facts of life that I didn't before. Take water for instance. If you're sitting in an air-conditioned office all day, you can get away without much hydration. It won't affect you a terrible lot. Now say you're running a three-hour marathon. Big difference. Don't drink your H₂O and you're guaranteed to see (and run into) many strange things, including but not limited to: pink elephants, water buffaloes, and zombies (the latter are actually your fellow runners, but they appear malicious and hungry when viewed through the dehydration reality field, DRF for short).

But I'm not writing about water today. Topic? Paving surfaces. If you're driving in a car, you probably don't really care if the State decided to use concrete, asphalt, gravel, or dirt. It just doesn't affect your life in a personal way. Ditto with shoulder width. Hey, as long as you've got a 12-foot wide lane to drive in, you could care less about the space between the white line and the edge. Besides, most municipalites are thoughtful enough to provide pedestrians with a thick slab of concrete to walk on. The uninformed refer to this as a sidewalk. This term is too innocuous for me.

Let me reiterate. Many roads don't supply a shoulder, so the only safe place for a runner is the... thick slab of concrete. This is very important. Remember: sidewalk = thick slab of concrete.

See, concrete is evil. It doesn't matter how hard you pound the stuff, it won't budge, dent, or collapse in any way. It also lasts forever, which is probably why it's such a popular building material for bridges, skyscrapers, bomb shelters, and other structures you want to stay around for a long time.

Here's the catch though: the law of conservation of energy. For example, when you push on a wall, the wall pushes back on you with equal force. See how that works? Energy is conserved. Same with sitting in a chair. Gravity pushes you into the chair, and the chair pushes you up with equal force. Nobody moves, nobody wins (unless the chair breaks).

Okay, with the rudimentaries out of the way, let's look at what happens when you run on grass. Sure, some of the downward energy is reflected back upwards (which is good, otherwise you'd fall through the ground), but a lot is absorbed and diffracted by the grass and (presumably) soft dirt underneath. Your leg joints and muscles (read "shock absorbers") like this, as there's less energy that they have to absorb after each footstrike.

You know what's coming next. Concrete, that evil paving-surface-from-the-abyss. When you run on concrete, just about all the energy hitting the ground gets reflected back to you. Don't get me wrong, at first it's a pleasant experience. Properly poured concrete is a very stable, grippy surface that makes running easy. Too easy. Not that I'm speaking from personal experience, but certain runners take this stable surface and start running faster, harder, and effectively grind their legs into dust without noticing. Energy isn't the only thing that's conserved. Pain is too. Not that I have anything against Newton, but think he should have annotated his findings with notes on the physiological impacts of his laws.

So yeah, I'm sitting here in pain. My feet hate me, my calf muscles too. I got 12 miles into the run before my body's self-flagellation protection mechanism forced me to slow to a walk. I'm going to need aqua-jogging therapy for a month. Oh well, some lessons are harder than others. Zing!