I'm pretty sure that happiness isn't something we can quantify. There aren't any constants behind it; no equation I can derive. I think that's why the sudden loss of happiness makes us feel so hopeless and confused, or--sometimes--even accusatory.
Let me explain with one of my favorite plot devices. Flowers. I could also direct you to a Brad Paisley song by the same name, but I won't. (When you come back from YouTube, let me know how you liked it.)
Do flowers make you happy? Flowers from your boyfriend might make you happy, while flowers from your ex probably won't. So no, it's not just the flowers that make you happy.
What about the person behind the flowers? If you know he's just being thoughtful, they'll probably make you happy. If you know he's just trying to make amends without a proper apology, they probably won't. So no, it's not just the person that makes you happy.
What about your predisposition to the person behind the flowers? This seems closer. Happiness comes from inside of us. It's a choice, not an obligation. We have free will. We have the free will to be happy if someone gives us dandelions, just as we have the free will to be happy if someone gives us a bouquet of white roses in a crystal vase.
(We could also be selfish prigs and be snobbish and rude in either of those cases.)
If your ex offers you flowers, you probably won't be happy because of a predisposition against either the person or his intent behind the gift. If your husband offers you flowers to avoid saying "I'm sorry" after a fight, you probably won't be happy because you want an apology, not flowers.
Happiness is a choice. I'm not saying it's wrong to not be happy, though we're probably not happy more often than we should be.
Of course, I've only talked about the receiving end of happiness. If you try to make someone else happy--with pure and thoughtful intentions--only to have your attempts shunned and ignored, that's hard. It's like buying a birthday present for a friend, only to have them return it to you unopened and without thanks.
All to say, I think I've found what I want to accomplish in life. I want to be happy, and I want to try to make other people happy. The exact ministry this entails remains to be determined. Call my pastor if I open a candy factory, don a purple suit, or start wearing a cheesy smile.
Eh, about that last point... I may already be there.
Until next time,
- Daniel
